Late night, car wreck, alcohol….children have lost a 27 & 28 year old father. A shiver crosses my heart and a sick feeling enters my gut. My father was 28, my father was out late, my father had been drinking, my father left three kids at home and my father was not driving. It stops me in my tracks and I fight back tears. I don’t know the individuals and am far from an expert on the subject. I only know that it is not 1963 and this time, I will not be the kid growing up fatherless. Deeply saddened, I also know that it is the beginning of a long and difficult journey every time any mother must explain to a child why daddy won’t be coming home.

What was he thinking? How could he not be home? Why did he get in THAT car at THAT time? I have spent nearly 40 years trying to answer those questions and more. There is no answer that will fill the emptiness of what has happened. The community needs to stop any debate between right & wrong or could have & should have. The driver needs to know it was not his fault. The tragedy is done. Healing needs to begin.

It is simply time to find a shoulder to lean on, a quiet moment to reach inside to find that inner strength that is now needed and also a time to focus so very hard on the future. The good lord has simply chosen a more difficult path for the survivors that will come to light in its own time. Now is not the time for arguments and second guessing. Now is the time for grieving, remembering and forgiving in order to lay the ever so small stepping stones that will take everyone into this unwanted and difficult future.

Because I have slept in their tears and walked about in their confusion, the kids are what matter the most to me. I only write this in a small attempt to help those kids and maybe if I’m lucky the mothers, families and community members as everyone goes down this path alone yet together. Believe me. This tragedy did not happen to just one person or family. It happened to everyone and all will need to work together from this day on to slowly deal with it. I can’t say you will ever move past it as it will always be with those touched by it. Good days will eventually come and during those times, it will be tucked away in your pocket. Bad days will roll in over the years. On those days, it will clearly be on your sleeve. When it’s in your pocket, watch for it on the sleeves around you and be there however you can to get them through it … (read more)